


i saw you in a dream

by besitos



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Flashbacks, Implied Seokmin/Chan, M/M, Mentioned Joshua/Minghao, Mentioned Junhui/Jihoon, Mild Language, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Break Up, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-12 17:17:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16876971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/besitos/pseuds/besitos
Summary: (then it came to an end).// alternatively: if jeon wonwoo was the rip current that pulled him in, kwon soonyoung could only hope he was good enough swimmer to not drown.





	i saw you in a dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [newvision](https://archiveofourown.org/users/newvision/gifts).



> to ra:  
> your lovely spirit and exceptional talent leave me in awe every single time. (this fic is cursed because it's giving me such a hard time. i hope you still like it).

_// i saw you in a dream. you had stayed the same_

kwon soonyoung sees jeon wonwoo for the first time after their (very messy, very public) break-up in the produce section at whole foods.

it’s been three months. three excruciatingly long months.

but wonwoo still looks like _his_ wonwoo—the one who pointed out clouds that vaguely resembled animals while they were stuck in traffic, and left him toothpaste hearts on the bathroom mirrors while he was taking a shower—as he furrows his brow and brings a stalk of celery up for further inspection.

soonyoung’s mouth goes dry at the thought of having his ex-boyfriend in such close proximity after all this time. the weeks following their break-up consisted of soonyoung leaving wonwoo voicemails that would never be heard and sending text messages that would never be read. all he wants in this moment is pretend that everything is still okay, that the avocados he has in his hands are going to find a place next to the carrots in wonwoo's basket, and not go home with him to a house that has always felt much too big for one person.

he realizes, when the song playing on the overhead speakers is interrupted to announce that the store will be closing in fifteen minutes (and if all the shoppers could please start making their way to check-out), that he probably looks like a total weirdo staring at wonwoo, like he's never laid eyes on another human being before. so, he turns around to make his way to the closest register, letting his mind wander to simpler times—when heartbreak was something that only existed in his wildest dreams.

 

* * *

 

_// you were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision_

it was during movie night at seungkwan's apartment, a friday at the tail end of july, that soonyoung first laid eyes on wonwoo. there may have been no chorus of angels singing the hallelujah chorus from handel's _messiah,_ but there was something about the then-stranger's aura that immediately piqued his interest.

 _he has the kind of face you write love songs about_ , soonyoung thought as he reached for another handful of popcorn from the bowl in his lap. the movie everyone had been so engrossed in was completely ignored for favor of staring unabashedly at the man who was standing awkwardly in the doorway, a trader joe's reusable bag hanging from his left hand.

seokmin was the first to speak. "who are you?" he'd asked, eyes narrowed and looking about as intimidating as a baby lion cub.

"this is jeon wonwoo," seungkwan had replied quickly, as he grabbed the mentioned man by the arm and dragged him into the kitchen, which was separated from the living room by a curtain. "he's also in the history department, and he stopped by to bring me some apple turnovers. he's real good at baking," his voice filtered through the fabric partition, and soonyoung nearly laughed at the sight of his friends visibly relaxing. movie nights hadn't been built on anything like a concrete set of rules, but there had always been an unspoken agreement that they would always give some kind of warning in advance when bringing someone from outside of their friend circle. this had only been enforced in the recent years, when soonyoung's face started to be plastered on more and more things meant for the consumption of the general public.

"are you trying to get into his pants?" chan joked, shameless as always, effectively evading the punch vernon directed at his chest.

seungkwan and wonwoo had emerged from the kitchen then, both looking impassive. "no, chan," their friend said, exasperated. "you know that i'm too busy to be partaking in any sort of—"

"—oh, shut up!" seokmin interrupted. "we both know very well that professors are perfectly capable of finding time for the horizontal limbo. what do you think joshua's doing right now that he'd turn down movie night?"

"his and minghao's sexcapades are of no interest to me." the room filled with noises of disgust, and seokmin let out a cackle while seungkwan took his previous spot on the floor next to jeonghan. "and because you're all insolent creatures, i'll take the liberty of asking wonwoo to stay."

"oh, i wouldn't want to impose on your..." wonwoo trailed off as he took in his surroundings. ten full-grown men packed into a medium sized living room was probably a sight to behold, and maybe a bit of a rarity. (movie nights were something soonyoung cherished greatly, and as cliché as it may sound, he was beyond grateful for the sense of normality his friends gave him in a life full of chaos).  

"wonwoo, stop acting like a little saint. you can sit next to soonie on the love seat over there. hey soonyoung, be a dear and wave at wonwoo so he can see who you are—the poor boy left his glasses in his car for whatever reason and is basically blind without them."

soonyoung was surprised by the nonchalance with which seungkwan was managing this whole situation, and from the looks of varying degrees of shock his other friends wore, he knew that he wasn't alone in this. but, he resolved that if wonwoo truly was as dependent of his glasses as seungkwan was saying, then he was probably okay. 

the newcomer unceremoniously plopped down next to him, and let out a defeated sigh. soonyoung could relate. seungkwan was a force to be reckoned with, and the only person who could ever put him into place was his mother (and she had retired to florida a couple years back, so there wasn't a lot of 'being put into place'-ing happening anymore). 

"sorry for invading your personal space like this. seungkwan is just..." soonyoung jumped at the sound of wonwoo's soft voice being so close to his ear. his breath smelled of something sweet—maybe those apple turnovers that had been mentioned earlier. 

"it's okay," soonyoung assured him, turning to face wonwoo. "i know what you mean. i assure you that all of us in this room have tried to go against seungkwan one way or another, and none of us have ever been the least bit successful." 

wonwoo laughs at this. "well, that makes me feel just a little bit better, i guess. i don't even know why he insisted on me staying here, when i can't even see your face well, much less the tv without my glasses." 

soonyoung coughs. "you're not, uh, missing much." 

"i'm sure that's not true... your name is soonyoung right? your voice sounds familiar, have we met before?" 

panic. "i don't think so. it would be hard to forget a face like yours."  _oh my god. did i really just say that?_

wonwoo snorts. "i... thanks." 

soonyoung nearly groans.  _i ruined this, didn't i?_ but before he can scrape together a meager apology, his phone buzzes in his pocket. 

**booty seungkwan**

yo buckaroo

keep it in ur pants

**me**

lol wtf are u talking about

_read 6:52pm_

**booty seungkwan**

as if

insolent creature

**me**

i srsly don't know what ur talking about

!!

_read 6:53pm_

**booty seungkwan**

whatever

he's single btw

;)

**me**

i hate u so much

_delivered_

soonyoung felt his face heat up at the thought of seungkwan noticing his failed attempts at making polite conversation with wonwoo. normally, he would be the least bit irritated, but when he looked around the room and saw how jihoon and junhui lay on the floor cuddling, and how seokmin and chan were doing a (really) bad job at hiding how they were holding hands under a pillow, he was reminded how good seungkwan was at playing matchmaker. 

he let himself hope that the same fate would follow him and wonwoo, who was so fucking endearing with those squinty eyes of his. 

//

it had been three weeks since the movie night at seungkwan's.

miraculously, soonyoung had mustered the courage to ask wonwoo for his number afterwards, trying his best to ignore the heavy gazes of his friends on them. the night had consisted of the former describing the storyline of the movie as best he could to the latter, mumbled apologies when their hands would touch when they reached for popcorn at the same time, and many stolen glances. they'd been texting regularly since then, and among the things soonyoung had learned about wonwoo, the ones he remembered the best were that his particular field was early modern east asian history, he had attended an international school while growing up in korea, he was (also) a huge astronomy nerd, and he had two cats named juno and lala. 

"so what you're telling me, is that you have a date tomorrow?" 

"yes." 

"it's not with an overly-obsessed fan pretending to be a guy on grindr?" 

"seungkwan, that was  _one_ time." 

"and it's all because of me?" 

soonyoung willed himself not to punch his friend in the face at the sight of his satisfied smirk. he was starting to think that it was probably a mistake, coming to seungkwan's apartment for some last-minute date advice from the man who had, unironically, referred to himself as 'the love daddy' before on multiple occasions. "yes. it's all because of you." 

seungkwan started to laugh uncontrollably, startling seungcheol, who had fallen asleep with his head on seungkwan's lap. soonyoung let out a huff, and started to get up from his spot on the floor at seungkwan's feet. 

"no, wait. i'm sorry. i just... you haven't gone on a 'proper' date in a while, and i'm just excited, considering you're this untouchable celebrity, or whatever." seungkwan gave him a sheepish grin. 

"shut up," soonyoung mumbled. "i'm not that great."

"you only say that because most of the memories i have of you feature your naked butt—you simply can't act all high and mighty around me when i have that kind of leverage over you." the two of them laughed, and seungcheol snored loudly in his sleep (as if in response), only making them laugh harder. 

//

soonyoung was sixteen when he started secretly uploading singing covers to youtube. there was a time when his best kept secret was that his biggest dream was to attend julliard and pursue a bachelor's of music in vocal arts. 

he never told anyone. as far as anyone was concerned, his true passion was dance, second only to a love for chemistry that would help him get into a prestigious medical school in the future, so that he could follow in his parents' footsteps—both doctors. it wasn't that his parents were unsupportive, but soonyoung felt it would be the greatest betrayal to them to decide to pursue a career that they didn't approve of, especially when they had struggled so hard as korean immigrants to get to where they were now. 

it had been a long, arduous journey to get to where he was at that moment. he eventually lost track of all the nights when he cried himself to sleep, because he was so close to losing all hope at making a name for himself in an industry that had done nothing but showcase its xenophobic, racist tendencies. 

at twenty seven, soonyoung was wise beyond his years. he'd seen and gone through enough to the point where nothing really fazed him anymore—that's why the effect wonwoo had on him confused him. he never was one for feelings and attachments when it came to relationships.

if wonwoo was the rip current that pulled him in, soonyoung could only hope he was good enough swimmer to not drown. 

//

standing in front of wonwoo's apartment holding a bottle of whatever it was he'd randomly grabbed from his wine cellar, soonyoung couldn't help but to feel a little intimidated. 

he'd never had a first date at someone's house—that had always felt way too personal and intimate—but with wonwoo, it felt right, and he hoped this was some kind of indication that the stars above had conspired to bring them together. soonyoung double checked that he was at the right door—13C—before he raised his unoccupied hand to gently knock on the door. 

he heard a flurry of movement coming from the other side before the door opened. "come in, make yourself at home." wonwoo was wearing his glasses this time, and soonyoung felt himself go a little weak in the knees. ("there's something really sexy about a man who's educated, right, soonyoungie?" "oh, fuck you, joshua" "hey, he already has me for that!" "minghao, you know i didn't mean it like that"). 

soonyoung let his host/date (hate?) usher him into the cozy apartment, and took a seat on one of the artfully worn-in sofas. 

"i... i know our lifestyles are very different, and this probably is a huge downgrade from what you're used to, but i remembered how you asked me if we could make chocolate chip cookies together a few days ago, and i thought that this was the perfect opportunity... unless you don't. in which case, we can totally do something else you'd like!"

as much as soonyoung wanted to coo at the pretty shade of pink wonwoo's cheeks had turned, he just smiled and stood up so he could walk over to wonwoo, so he could take the other man's trembling hands into his own and give them a reassuring squeeze. 

"wonwoo, you're the farthest thing one could get from a downgrade—i'm here for your company, okay? you being in front of me makes everything else fade into the background." 

"promise?" 

"promise." 

 

* * *

 

_// you just don't hear me anymore and i know that i shouldn't even try_

to his own surprise, soonyoung learned that he was actually a fairly good boyfriend. 

he thought it was just a little bit unfortunate, though, that he'd made so many compromises before meeting wonwoo, because that meant that their first couple months of dating consisted mostly of facetime calls at odd hours of the day for both of them, texts that more times than not were sent to express how much one missed the other, and basically none of that so-called 'honeymoon phase' soonyoung had always heard his friends talk about. 

when he came back home in the first week of november, his transition back to his everyday life was seamless, and he finally was able to start taking wonwoo on all the dates he'd promised while he'd been away. after their third date, it wasn't hard for the media to get the idea that soonyoung now had a special someone in his life, so their dates in public had to be intricately planned after that, to avoid unwanted spectators and avoidable confrontations. 

it took wonwoo a while to understand how little freedom one had when they dated a celebrity. soonyoung could understand the frustration the other must've felt at the fact that they couldn't do something as dumb as go watch the sunset from a bench at a park without worrying that they would get tracked down and bothered to no end. however, he couldn't understand the way his boyfriend would express this frustration, usually in the form of bitter comments directed at no one in particular. 

at night, soonyoung found himself staying up late coming up with ways their relationship could've been different in an alternate universe, one where he could express his love as freely as he wanted to. 

 //

"where's the boyfriend tonight?" 

"grading papers at his apartment," soonyoung sighed. he had gone to visit seungcheol at the hospital with some take-out because he knew the eldest of the friend group would still be up and running—the only person who probably slept less than he did was the surgeon. 

they talked about recent events in their lives and shared some childhood stories as they ate, until seungcheol drove the focus of the conversation into soonyoung's direction. "soonie, i know it's not my place to critique your relationship, but are you sure you think this is the best for you right now?" the older's eyes were full of concern, and younger's stomach lurched at the sight of them. 

"yeah. i think we're doing okay." soonyoung and wonwoo had celebrated their two month anniversary on the twenty eighth of october—a little over a week ago. however, since soonyoung hadn't been in los angeles for the occasion (nor for their one month anniversary), he decided that he could allow himself to be a bit less guarded with the celebrations than he had been with the first few dates they'd shared. a candlelit dinner in a public setting instead of renting out a restaurant so that they could guarantee privacy? soonyoung had done that, because wonwoo had once mentioned that as a date idea he was totally on board with. still, this hadn't been enough for him, even though he had been the one who'd requested it, and he spent the entire drive back to his apartment from the restaurant complaining over how that had been some kind of 'level one shit'. (soonyoung let the tears he'd been harboring fall freely only after he'd pulled away from his boyfriend's apartment complex).

"we know you as the guy who's always making others laugh and has all his contacts on his phone saved with some kind of kawaii emoticon next to to the name. lately, we haven't been seeing much of that guy, y'know. i get that when you start dating someone, change is pretty much inevitable. but it's never something that requires an entire personality flip. from what i've experienced, it's more like learning to appreciate a cereal you thought you hated. small changes." 

soonyoung briefly reminisced on how he'd come back home to learn that wonwoo had gotten rid of his favorite clothing articles (worn t-shirts and threadbare sweatpants), stating that there was no reason for him to be dressing in such a way when he obviously had more than enough money to buy new clothes. 

//

as they neared their three month anniversary, wonwoo's name came up more frequently in soonyoung's interviews. 

"so, tell us about your boyfriend," the interviewer, kathleen, asked. "you're very private about your relationship with him, aren't you?" 

"i am," soonyoung had replied. "so much of my life is left bare for the world to see, but the fact that i can attempt to control how much of my relationship gets out there gives me a small sense of security." 

kathleen smiled. "we're told he's a history professor at ucla. no offense, but that's a little different." 

"different is good." soonyoung hoped that his irritation wasn't being reflected in the tone of his voice, especially because this was a live stream interview. "he's taught me many new things, and i think he's the coolest person i know, as well as the smartest." 

"the glasses don't have anything to do with that, the fact that you think he's so smart?" 

"no, i think that has more to do with him not eating enough carrots as a kid," soonyoung joked, eliciting a laugh from the entire studio, not just kathleen. it felt good to know he still had the ability to make others laugh. 

once soonyoung concluded his interview, he reached for his phone inside his pocket, to check if he'd missed any calls or received any new texts. he was confused over the appearance of wonwoo's name, which mean't he'd watched the interview, even though he'd initially said that he'd be too busy to do so.

**my muse**

Don't ever talk about me like that ever again. 

You're such a liar, too. 

You said you wanted to keep this relationship as private as possible. 

If you can do that with our dates, how come you can't keep your mouth shut?

**me**

i'm sorry babe 

i didn't mean to offend you

_read 3:46pm_

i love you

_delivered_

//

it wasn't until one night, when soonyoung couldn't sleep and was trying to pen some lyrics, that he was able to find the perfect word to describe wonwoo. 

an enigma. 

being with him was a puzzle in itself, because soonyoung never really knew what he was truly feeling or what his reaction would be to something until it was too late. 

when it was good, it was really good. like being surprised with breakfast in bed whenever wonwoo spent the night, going to the aquarium and pointing out the fish with the most ridiculous expressions, or slow dancing in wonwoo's living room to the sound of soonyoung's voice. 

but when it was bad, it was really bad. the most recent example was how wonwoo had deliberately trashed the hotel room they'd stayed at during one of soonyoung's concerts for charity in new york, racking up an impressive bill and causing minor injuries to both in the process. 

soonyoung knew his friends were starting to catch on that the way he presented his relationship to them wasn't the same behind closed doors. his friends learned to stop bringing the subject up, because soonyoung would only evade their questions and get defensive. he knew, for as much as they tried to hide it, that they were worried for him, and he'd even overheard a conversation between seokmin and seungkwan where the latter had confessed that he sometimes regretted introducing wonwoo to soonyoung. 

his friends could blame wonwoo as much as they wanted, but soonyoung knew the true fault laid in himself. maybe if he were a little more handsome and a little less scared of the world around him, wonwoo could find it a little easier to love him. 

he reached for his phone then, pulling up his camera roll so he could look through the photos of the two of them together for reassurance that maybe their relationship together really was as perfect as the media portrayed it—soonyoung, the brooding, talented singer, and wonwoo, the charismatic professor with the boyfriend his own students coveted. 

//

christmas was nearing, and soonyoung had never had to worry about buying a gift for a significant other. he'd complained about how difficult this was to junhui, but his friend had only given him a quizzical look and told him that the first thing that came to mind when he thought of his boyfriend was usually the way to go. 

there'd been a time when the first thing soonyoung thought of were heated kisses in the dark and whispered affirmations of love when someone brought up wonwoo in conversation. 

_how did one go about buying a gift for a significant other that was unrecognizable and unpredictable?_

soonyoung slammed down his laptop shut, almost to the point where he was about to ask his very romantically-deprived manager, john, for help. (the guy had a sizable collection of those creepy, anime girl cuddling pillows amassed in his bedroom, for god's sake). he flopped backwards onto his bed and grabbed his phone from his bedside table. he'd seen something on twitter once, where the boyfriend had asked his girlfriend where she thought they were going for their first date, and took her to the place where she guessed first—apparently he swore by this method. soonyoung hoped that it also worked with christmas gifts and non-heterosexual couples. 

the clock indicated it was a little past three in the afternoon, and it was a thursday—wonwoo had office hours right now, so he hopefully wouldn't be bothered too much if he received a call at about now. 

wonwoo didn't pick up the first time, nor the second. soonyoung tried again after ten minutes, but it went straight to voicemail.  _huh_. he went about with the other evening tasks he had scheduled for the rest of the day, and when he returned to his bed at eleven at night, he saw wonwoo had texted him ten minutes ago. 

**my muse**

Soonyoung, what is it?

I couldn't answer your calls because I was busy.

You know my job comes before you.

 

* * *

 

_// i thought that this might last but you came and left so fast_

in the days leading up to their break-up, soonyoung sensed that something was up with wonwoo. he would leave before soonyoung woke up, and would come home when he knew soonyoung was already asleep. instead of asking what was wrong, the singer quickly wrote it off as upcoming holiday related stress on top of the fact that the end of the fall quarter was nearing. 

it was half past three am, according to the digital clock on his bedside table, when soonyoung was not-so-kindly woken up by the sound of something loudly falling to the wood floor of his bedroom. “wonwoo, what are you doing?” he asked groggily. 

“leaving.” wonwoo retorted, the feeble light from the lamp on the dresser emphasizing the frown on his face as he struggled to button his jeans.

“what... what are you talking about? it’s late, babe. please come back to bed.”

“there's nothing to talk about. i'm done with this. i'm done with us." 

the words hit soonyoung like a bucket of cold water to the face, and he immediately rolled out of bed and reached for wonwoo's wrist. "you can't just leave like this, randomly, when it's not safe. i won't let you."

"soonyoung, let me leave!" 

it was dreadfully quiet after wonwoo's outburst, and soonyoung could only stare at the other's raised hand and wild eyes. once he snapped out of it, he quietly walked out of the room and made his way downstairs so he could make himself a cup of tea that would (hopefully) help calm down the rapid beating of his heart. it was when he was in the process of stirring honey into his mug that he heard something that sounded faintly like the front door opening and closing.

//

"soonie, you need to talk to me, hon. i'm really worried about you." 

everything had been a blur in the three days since soonyoung had woken up in his kitchen to cold, hard tile underneath him, a raw throat, dry eyes, and a pounding headache. from the bits and pieces he was able to catch from the whispered conversations around him, wonwoo walking out wasn't something he had imagined, for as much as he didn't want to accept it. on top of that, wonwoo had been caught leaving soonyoung's house, and he'd let it slip to the single reporter who'd been in the area that the two were no longer together and that 'soonyoung isn't the kind of person you think he is'. 

the comment quickly became a trending topic, and had apparently unleashed a stream of accusations of domestic abuse—the fact that soonyoung nor his team hadn't publicly acknowledged it or made a statement was just making it worse. soonyoung was just thankful that he was getting time to himself, even if it meant that his reputation was suffering. 

soonyoung snuggled deeper into seungkwan's chest, and let his friend rub circles on his back and softly hum the lullabies he remembered from his childhood. the calm atmosphere was disrupted when his bedroom door swung open, and his manager walked in, a relieved smile on his face. 

"good news, soonyoung! your ex finally posted something on social media to clarify what his words meant." 

seungkwan halted his movements immediately, and disentangled himself from soonyoung's vice grip to sit up and face john. "what does that mean for soonie, though?" 

"well, the public now knows that soonyoung isn't the bad guy they were all painting him to be, but i've noticed that the people are also kind of antsy over not having a specific person or thing to blame." 

"good, i guess. his fans are so fucking annoying... i don't know how you do it." seungkwan turned back to soonyoung. "i'm going to go downstairs with john and see if i can be of any help. wonwoo still isn't answering any of our calls or texts, and since this all happened on the sunday after the end of the fall quarter, i haven't seen him at work... he probably left the country for the winter break, or something." seungkwan bends down to kiss soonyoung on the forehead, then exits the room with john, leaving the door wide open. 

soonyoung lets out a sigh. he's also been making his own attempts to contact wonwoo—when whoever is staying with him thinks he's sleeping and has retired to the guest bedroom, because he hasn't been alone for a single moment in the past few days—and they've all been unsuccessful. he doesn't understand, how in one moment they'd been happily in, what he hoped was, love, and in the next there was only a forgotten toothbrush in the bathroom to remind him of a relationship that was no more. what seungkwan and his manager did't know, though, was that wonwoo being outside of the country wasn't a viable possibility—his two cats had required serious medical attention a couple weeks back, and that had left a sizable dent in his savings. (he'd also been much too proud to accept any money from soonyoung, saying he didn't want any of his 'pity money', which hurt soonyoung's feelings because that hadn't been his intention at all).

time waited for no one, as soonyoung would eventually come to accept as a week without hearing from wonwoo turned into two, which then turned into a month. before he knew it, three months had passed, and soonyoung had, for the first time ever in his life, finished an album that encompassed the stages of his relationship. he still had many unanswered questions, but for the time being, the aching of his heart had dulled considerably.   

 

* * *

 

_// it isn’t the same but it is enough_

“soonyoung, is that you?”

the singer is disrupted from his thoughts, whipping around abruptly to see wonwoo, who wears an unsure smile.

“wonwoo. hi.” soonyoung doesn’t know what else to say. he hopes he doesn't look as scared as feels, and that the baseball cap he's sporting does, in the least, a decent job covering his face. he's next in line to pay now, but before he can respond to the cashier's greeting, wonwoo interrupts.

"we're paying together," the taller says, causing soonyoung to take a sharp intake of breath (because this definitely wasn't how he'd imagined their first meeting after their break-up would go). the cashier blinks, equally confused (soonyoung really hopes that it's because she's just as surprised by wonwoo's interjection), but proceeds to scan the small amount of groceries they have between the two. wonwoo puts them all into the reusable bags he's brought, just like he would do when they were still together. soonyoung pays, ignoring wonwoo's protests of 'this wasn't what i meant when i said we were paying together' because he's doing it out of habit, and they walk out of the store together.

they stop in front of soonyoung's inconspicuous toyota, which is parked relatively close to the store's entrance. wonwoo hands him one of the three bags he carries, and soonyoung find it a little amusing that all it contains is two avocados.

“how have you been?” wonwoo asks, words rushed.

 _terrible_. “alright. the album was released last week. you?” soonyoung cringes as he hears the sound of his own voice.

“i saw—congratulations! and i've been okay, i guess. the end of the winter quarter is approaching, and it's always fun being in the same room as students who want nothing more than to get the hell out of there.”

 _why are you congratulating me when you’re the reason it exists?_ “uh, hang in there?”

wonwoo laughs, but his eyes don’t crinkle up the way soonyoung knows they can. “thanks, i think?”

their pathetic attempt at a conversation ends there, and that pains soonyoung—to think that there was a time when conversation came to them as naturally as the air they breathe.

"soonyoung," wonwoo starts after a while of staring at each other, his voice trembling. "i... i think it's fate i found you here tonight. i know this isn't the appropriate place or right time to talk about this but... i miss you." the last bit of his sentence is so quiet, soonyoung would've missed it if he hadn't been listening intently.

"a-and i know you probably hate me and wish i could've moved to jupiter so i could've gotten sucked up by the great red spot, but i can't because space travel sucks and..." wonwoo is rambling at this point, and soonyoung would be the biggest, fattest liar if he were to say that he isn't just a little bit endeared. 

"hey, look at me." soonyoung reaches up to cup the other's face. this probably (definitely) isn't his wisest move, but he can't find it in himself to care. "breathe, okay? can you do that for me?" wonwoo nods, and soonyoung wipes away his tears with his thumbs. he briefly wonders why he hasn't been reduced to a sobbing mess at this point too, but he's a little grateful that he's not, because he needs to be wonwoo's emotional support.

"i'm sorry, and i don't know how else to say it. not only do i randomly leave you when you're half-asleep and then proceed to make myself unavailable to you when all you wanted was an explanation, but the first time you see me after several months consists of me crying over how much i regret my decisions when i'm the only person responsible for them." wonwoo lets out a bitter laugh. "i seriously can't believe that you're comforting me instead of yelling at me for being the worst person to ever walk this earth. and i would know that, being a history professor and all."

"wonwoo, no offense, but your field is early modern east asian history." 

"i can't believe you. i give you the green light to tell me just how shitty of a person i really am, and you _don't_ want to offend me?"

"maybe that's not what i want."

"then what do you want, soonyoung?" wonwoo whispers, sounding mostly defeated, but just a little bit hopeful. 

"you said that it was fate you found me tonight. what did you mean by that?"

wonwoo's eyes soften at this, and a sad smile spreads across his face. "i saw you in a dream."

**Author's Note:**

> soonyoung is either the korean-american cuco or hozier. i can't decide.


End file.
